Wednesday, October 13, 2010

A Placenta of the Low-Lying Persuasion...and other random thoughts

I woke up yesterday morning with a little more spotting (you may remember that I had some a couple of weeks ago at 12 weeks). I wasn't too concerned, as it was brown and stopped quickly. I did email my OB to let her know. Then, my husband and I were silly enough to have sex last night (it's been a while, okay? My fatigue has taken its toll on our sex life). And I woke up in the middle of the night with quite a bit more blood, darker red this time. It continued until this morning. So I called my OB's office first thing this morning and was miraculously able to get in to see her within a couple of hours.

She checked out my cervix and said that, beyond the blood (ick!), the cervix itself looked fine. So she moved on to an ultrasound. (As a side note, there are certain benefits to having minor complications. Without this, I wouldn't have gotten another ultrasound until 19 weeks, in mid-November. Now I'll probably even get a few extra later on!) The baby is looking much cuter than at 7 weeks. Very active arms and legs--it looked like he or she was trying to suck a thumb--either that or poke an eye out. My OB was able to tell quickly that the reason for my bleeding is a low-lying placenta, which would be called placenta previa if I were a few more weeks along. The placenta is partially covering my cervix, thus causing some bleeding. At this point, I guess it's not as uncommon and has a 90% chance of righting itself on its own. I'm definitely praying for that option. The bleeding isn't fun even when I do know it's okay.

Until then, I'm on "pelvic rest." No sex, no orgasms, no...um...major bouncing of the pelvis (whatever that would entail). She said I'm okay to continue my prenatal exercise videos and biking, though I think I would be put on stricter rest if I were further along that 14 weeks.

Other than that, this second trimester is definitely treating me better so far. My gas has majorly subsided, the nausea is all but gone. I'm still kind of waiting for that extra energy to kick in, as I'm mostly just tired all the time, with the occasional tired headache.

Now for a few other random thoughts floating in my head that I can't connect together:

  • I found out this week that another couple at our church is expecting just two and a half weeks after us! Though they aren't really close friends or anything, we definitely get along well. And they're with the same hospital and insurance company (Kaiser), so we can take all our classes together--which will definitely make them more tolerable for my husband, who simply can't wrap his mind around how a childbirth class could possibly take 7 hours.
  • Professional maternity photo shoots freak me out. I sincerely apologize if you love them and either have had one or plan to get one when you're pregnant. I promise not to judge you :). But I'm simply not at all attracted to the shots (becoming very common, it seems) of the hugely pregnant women either naked or mostly naked, sometimes covering her boobs with her hands. And even without those, the whole thing strikes me as another marketing ploy we've fallen for, crafted by the increasing number of professional photographers out there. When our parents were young, the only time they hired a photographer was for their wedding. Otherwise, they would just go to Walmart to get a nice picture taken. Now, we get engagement shoots, bridal portraits (if you're in the South), wedding shoots, maternity shoots, newborn shoots, and who knows what else. I also think Hollywood has had a role to play here, but I'll stop now.
  • Pete announced our pregnancy on Facebook. I was initially against it, for reasons most of you here in the IF community can understand, I'm sure. But he convinced me that 99% of the people who saw it would either be absolutely thrilled for us or simply ambivalent. So I acquiesced on the condition that the announcement be cute and not annoying, and that neither of us will overshare about the pregnancy or birth on Facebook in the future. So here's what he came up with (with my help):
Two matching long-sleeved shirts......... $20
Two matching square brown pillows..... $15
Two matching brown dress socks......... $2
Knowing there are actually three people in this picture...... priceless.

Okay, it's dorky, but kind of cute, I guess. And he's absolutely right that Facebook is by far the most efficient way of getting the word out to all those people who do care but who you would never take the time to call individually. And it gives those who already knew permission to spread the word.

But I promise, no ultrasound pictures or bump pictures will ever be on my FB profile!

If you're pregnant, did you or will you announce your pregnancy on Facebook? If you're not pregnant and trying, do you think you will? Would seeing the above post on one of your friend's profiles have ruined your day? I suspect it still would, depending on how you're feeling emotionally and how well you know the person posting. In the end, I kind of decided I had to take the risk that this might upset some people, just like my future huge belly will upset some people. I can't control that, but I also can't hide my pregnancy. I just try not to be obnoxious about it!

22 comments:

roadtomotherhood said...

I wouldn't worry too much about Facebook. This is a part of your life you can't hide. I'm sure you'll post a picture here or there of your child eventually too. Many people in your life would love to hear updates about how you are doing. Yes, I did announce my pregnancy on facebook. However, when/if I were to do a status update regarding my pregnancy, or post a bump picture, I post only to my closest friends or family who I know are interested. There's about a group of 10 on a customized list that I do those updates for!

Regardless of what you decide, do what makes you feel good!

Also, love the way you announced it!

Lesley (and Eric) said...

That sounds really scary! I hope it rights itself soon. I also think your fb announcement is cute and fine. Yes, it is upsetting to read these things when you are trying, but the news has to be broken eventually. As you say, you can't simply hide the pregnancy and then the child! And I am sure you wouldn't want to.

cgd said...

Take care of yourself!! I hope that you are in the lucky 90% and that everything from this point forward is smooth sailing!!

sienna said...

i think the fb announcement is ADORABLE! i want to steal it :o) the spotting sounds so nerve-wracking, yet at the same time, i'm soo glad that, as a result, you were able to see the baby on u/s. i will keep everything crossed for you that the placenta moves ands doesn't develop into placenta previa. that doesn't sound like any fun at all. BUT, i do hope that this one instant of spotting means that you'll be monitored much much more, which means you'll get to see you baby on screen more often. yaay for that :o)

AmyG said...

The fb announcement you've set up is super cute. I like it a lot.

I've opted not to come out on fb. I don't know who out there is struggling with IF, but I figured I might as well keep it to myself. But it occurred to me that eventually I'll be announcing the birth (I hope), and from the perspective of an IF-er, that's not any easier to take. So obviously you're going to announce sooner or later, so why not sooner?

Hope the placenta moves SOON! Seeing blood can't be any fun. And then you can get back to your olympic pogo stick practice or whatever else.

Augusta said...

HI Ceejay, I'm so glad that the bleeding stopped and was investigated. Also nice to know why you were bleeding and that it probably resolve itself over the course of the pregnancy.

I just wanted to respond to your facebook question. I found out about a friend of mine's pregnancy from her husbands fb status and that really hurt my feelings. She knew about my infertility and did not make a point to tell me. Make sure you tell close friends before they find out on fb. It could sting if they feel like they aren't important enough for you to tell them in person. Just my 2 cents.

It must feel great to be able to say those words "I'm pregnant". Enjoy it (I know you are).

Crossed Fingers said...

Glad to hear the bleeding has stopped, my sister & a friend of mine had placenta previa as well and both of them had it correct itself before birth.

I posted on FB about my pregnancy and have had very few status updates related to my pregnancy. 1 because I know not everyone gives to craps, TTC or not and 2 because it's annoying. I do have a bump picture as my profile pic because I love the picture and I'm cherishing it all right now.

Josey said...

I definitely think it's fine to "come out" on Facebook - as long as you're sensitive about it, you still deserve to be joyful about it as well! Please just don't make an ultrasound your profile pic - I'm your friend b/c I'm YOUR friend, I'm not friends with your uterus. That's my thought. :)

I agree with Augusta - tell close friends yourself. I have two friends who I found out through FB were 20+ weeks along in the past month, and it kind of devastated me. If they would have just called me, it would have helped a lot.

Then again, it's not all about me, and I try to remind myself of that. You're pregnant, enjoy it. :)

Alex said...

I agree that it's fine to come out on Facebook, as long as you're sensitive. And PLEASE don't post every time your belly moves - I have a "Friend" that does this...

Crazy about your placenta - hope it corrects itself real soon!

determineddory said...

I just announced our pregnancy on FB, and I felt really good about doing it. I didn't want to ruin somebody else's day, the way mine has been so many times over the last two years. So I decided that in my announcement, I would also come out about our IF struggles. My announcement read something like: "A while ago, Bobby and I learned we might never have our own children. Seven months and one IVF cycle later, we saw our baby dancing on the ultrasound screen today! What a miracle!" I was really nervous about doing it this way, but in the end I felt really good about it. It was kind of freeing to honestly acknowledge all we had to go through, even if I didn't go into specifics about my husband's sterility. And I felt like I wanted people to know that this wasn't just another baby, that this really was a miracle. Also, I hoped that opening up about our struggles might bring out some friends who could be also suffering in silence, the way we did. All the reactions I received were really positive and congratulatory. I think your little poem is adorable!!!

tragicoptimist said...

here from LFCA. I think your announcement is quite sweet.

I went back and forth on whether or not to announce on fb, but I decided that I did want my friends to know, and I wanted them to know that we'd struggled, and I wanted them to know all at the same time. I've always felt worse when it seems like I was the last to know that a friend was pregnant.

I wrote a post on my blog announcing the pregnancy, linked to it from my fb and then wrote:

"I'm pregnant. I've been conflicted about posting here about it, largely because I know from my own experience how such announcements can sting sometimes - even if you're genuinely happy for the person. But I do want people to know. So."

Amanda said...

I was so happy to hear everything is ok. It never ends, does it?? As for facebook, I can understand your hesitation, but an update here or there is totally fine. You deserve to enjoy this just as much as your 'fellow fertiles'!

Celia said...

Hey and congratulations! I never announced my pregnancy on FB, my sister announced she was becoming an Aunt. She was sooo excited and it was easier for me to have the emotional distance.

I hid two friends of mine that were pregnant or posted too many baby pictures. I also unfriended someone who was very thoughtless about infant loss and wondered why anyone would want a picture of their angel baby. I happen to have a friend who uses her angel baby picture all the time, and I would rather stop using FB completely than have her hurt more.

rescogitatae said...

Here from LFCA. I love your Facebook announcement- I think it is great. I am planning on announcing my pregnancy on facebook (just through a status update). I'm intending to hint at our trouble without being specific about IF (saying something like, Turia is so pleased to finally be able to say that she and Q. are having a baby!). That way people can assume (if they want to) that the finally relates to waiting for the end of the first trimester to make the announcement. I will email ahead of time the couple of friends whom I know are trying and having trouble.

My other rules are: I will never use a photo of just my child as my profile picture (whether that is u/s or after birth). I will not use the facebook status to randomly update about the pregnancy (I had to stop getting updates from someone when all she wrote about was the baby kicking this and doing that.). And I will keep all my photos of baby bump and u/s pics to one folder (and I won't announce when I update it).

I think facebook is a great tool to let everyone know, especially as I have heaps of friends overseas. And the vast majority of people will be really happy for us, or just not care. But I agree a few things can be done to help those for whom it could be hurtful.

Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy- I hope your placenta rights itself!
T.

Liana said...

Here from LFCA.

I found FB a really convenient way to let friends and family know what was going on with our pregnancy, which was filled with complications. Our initial annoucement came in a note explaining our year of infertility treatments (which many of our friends and family already knew about) and I think that helped everyone understand why we were so excited. It also made everyone a little more invested in what we were going through as the pregnancy progressed and the complications kept coming. Most updates were made via notes, so I could tag those who wanted to know the most and those who didn't would find it easy to ignore. Because our friends and family are all over the country, FB was and is a wonderful tool for us.

Mo and Will said...

I think that's a lovely and clever way to announce your pregnancy on FB. Mo

ericadouglas said...

I haven't announced my pregnancy on Facebook yet - I'm not quite as far along as you. I plan to simply type "is pregnant" and wait for the comments!

I know that pregnancy announcements freak me out - four of my friends announced pregnancies during the month we were doing IVF and it was really hard to hear. They got pregnant with minimal effort and here it's taken us years and $$$$.

But I'm only Facebook-friends with people I really know and love, and this will be my way of telling everyone at once, so that no one knows before anyone else. (Well, besides this comment..and Twitter! But these are more anonymous.)

I think your husband's FB announcement was really cute.

Congratulations!

(PS - I'm here from LFCA)

kate said...

Over from LFCA...

I totally announced my pregnancy on Facebook, and I did so well before it should have been announced (seven weeks). I did so in a way, though, that focused on how freaked out I was about twins (I think I said, "Oh, Dear. Two heartbeats seen on the ultrasound this morning!"). But, I figured that (like your husband), it's the most efficient way to let your acquaintances know and to let your friends who've already been told know that it's okay to share with others. Additionally, I was just so thrilled that there were two heartbeats (in my earliest u/s, it wasn't clear that baby B would be viable) that I didn't really care. I also figured that were I to lose the pregnancy, I would want all the love and support of those friends and acquaintances on FB. So, I told.

And in my case, I actually ended up having several friends come out of the IF closet to me, which was cool. One friend was actually just three weeks behind me having also just done her first IVF, so that was great for me to have her in my circle, and to have her experience many of the things that I also experienced at the same time. If I hadn't been such a blabbermouth on FB, I never would have had that.

That said, I know I got a few "Hmm, you're only seven weeks!" comments (meaning, "You idiot! It's too early to announce your pregnancy!") from women who I know had experienced early loss. But, to me, it's just a matter of comfort level. Some people don't ever want to have to "un-tell" their friends and family about a pregnancy. For me, like I said, I would have wanted people to know if something had happened and I lost the pregnancy.

I was just so darn excited after trying for so many years that I shouted it from the rooftops. Given all the circumstances (PCOS body-type, older husband, twin pregnancy), it was clear to anyone in the know that this was an assisted pregnancy, which also made me feel that it was okay to share the pregnancy in such a way. To those sensitive to such things, it was clear that I'd been down the long road to parenthood, too.

Anyhow, congrats on your pregnancy! I miss being pregnant-- they were so much easier to take care of on the inside!!

Anonymous said...

If someone on FB I knew was having IF problems, I would be so happy for them. It is the people who announce their pregnancies and then comment with things like, "It was such a surprise, we weren't even trying!" or things like that that bother me. I know that they aren't focusing on me and my life, obviously. LOL. When I got engaged I mentioned the engagement but didn't do a wedding countdown and things like that, because 1) it's not my style but 2) one of my best friends had been with her man for 5 years and was so upset not to be engaged I didn't want to bother her. YOur announcement is so cute and not so in your face...mazel tov! :)

Busted Kate said...

I love how you announced on Facebook! I came out first as an Infertile on facebook during Infertility Awareness week, so I think my pregnancy announcement was especially well recieved. I try to keep it mellow, but its really a great relief to not have to keep it a secret either. Hope that placenta gets with the program!

AnxiousMummyto3 said...

Sorry about the scary placenta situation but sounds like it has a great chance of righting itself! I don't plan to announce my pg on Facebook as I'm barely on there anyway. I'll tell the people I want to know in person and then anyone else will figure it out before long!! I love the announcement though, very cute :)

Kakunaa said...

I wanted to try and be non-FB-y. But I have a number of my IF friends on there, and they have all been in the same boat, and I have been open this whole time, so it's been okay that I'm posting pics and whatnot. I'm not trying to be in your face, just be normal. And sharing for me is normal. It's been okay :)

Hey...sorry to hear about your placenta! I hope it takes care of itself soon!