A Placenta of the Low-Lying Persuasion...and other random thoughts

I woke up yesterday morning with a little more spotting (you may remember that I had some a couple of weeks ago at 12 weeks). I wasn't too concerned, as it was brown and stopped quickly. I did email my OB to let her know. Then, my husband and I were silly enough to have sex last night (it's been a while, okay? My fatigue has taken its toll on our sex life). And I woke up in the middle of the night with quite a bit more blood, darker red this time. It continued until this morning. So I called my OB's office first thing this morning and was miraculously able to get in to see her within a couple of hours.

She checked out my cervix and said that, beyond the blood (ick!), the cervix itself looked fine. So she moved on to an ultrasound. (As a side note, there are certain benefits to having minor complications. Without this, I wouldn't have gotten another ultrasound until 19 weeks, in mid-November. Now I'll probably even get a few extra later on!) The baby is looking much cuter than at 7 weeks. Very active arms and legs--it looked like he or she was trying to suck a thumb--either that or poke an eye out. My OB was able to tell quickly that the reason for my bleeding is a low-lying placenta, which would be called placenta previa if I were a few more weeks along. The placenta is partially covering my cervix, thus causing some bleeding. At this point, I guess it's not as uncommon and has a 90% chance of righting itself on its own. I'm definitely praying for that option. The bleeding isn't fun even when I do know it's okay.

Until then, I'm on "pelvic rest." No sex, no orgasms, no...um...major bouncing of the pelvis (whatever that would entail). She said I'm okay to continue my prenatal exercise videos and biking, though I think I would be put on stricter rest if I were further along that 14 weeks.

Other than that, this second trimester is definitely treating me better so far. My gas has majorly subsided, the nausea is all but gone. I'm still kind of waiting for that extra energy to kick in, as I'm mostly just tired all the time, with the occasional tired headache.

Now for a few other random thoughts floating in my head that I can't connect together:

• I found out this week that another couple at our church is expecting just two and a half weeks after us! Though they aren't really close friends or anything, we definitely get along well. And they're with the same hospital and insurance company (Kaiser), so we can take all our classes together--which will definitely make them more tolerable for my husband, who simply can't wrap his mind around how a childbirth class could possibly take 7 hours.
• Professional maternity photo shoots freak me out. I sincerely apologize if you love them and either have had one or plan to get one when you're pregnant. I promise not to judge you :). But I'm simply not at all attracted to the shots (becoming very common, it seems) of the hugely pregnant women either naked or mostly naked, sometimes covering her boobs with her hands. And even without those, the whole thing strikes me as another marketing ploy we've fallen for, crafted by the increasing number of professional photographers out there. When our parents were young, the only time they hired a photographer was for their wedding. Otherwise, they would just go to Walmart to get a nice picture taken. Now, we get engagement shoots, bridal portraits (if you're in the South), wedding shoots, maternity shoots, newborn shoots, and who knows what else. I also think Hollywood has had a role to play here, but I'll stop now.
• Pete announced our pregnancy on Facebook. I was initially against it, for reasons most of you here in the IF community can understand, I'm sure. But he convinced me that 99% of the people who saw it would either be absolutely thrilled for us or simply ambivalent. So I acquiesced on the condition that the announcement be cute and not annoying, and that neither of us will overshare about the pregnancy or birth on Facebook in the future. So here's what he came up with (with my help):

Two matching long-sleeved shirts......... $20

Two matching square brown pillows..... $15

Two matching brown dress socks......... $2

Knowing there are actually three people in this picture...... priceless.

Okay, it's dorky, but kind of cute, I guess. And he's absolutely right that Facebook is by far the most efficient way of getting the word out to all those people who do care but who you would never take the time to call individually. And it gives those who already knew permission to spread the word.

But I promise, no ultrasound pictures or bump pictures will ever be on my FB profile!

If you're pregnant, did you or will you announce your pregnancy on Facebook? If you're not pregnant and trying, do you think you will? Would seeing the above post on one of your friend's profiles have ruined your day? I suspect it still would, depending on how you're feeling emotionally and how well you know the person posting. In the end, I kind of decided I had to take the risk that this might upset some people, just like my future huge belly will upset some people. I can't control that, but I also can't hide my pregnancy. I just try not to be obnoxious about it!

The Good that Came of Mother's Day

Though Mother's Day was a tough, PMS-y day for me, I did want to come back around and mention something quite lovely that happened on Sunday. I woke up Sunday morning feeling completely down in the dumps. I thought I was prepared for Mother's Day and that it wouldn't affect me too much. And honestly, I'm not sure if the Mother's Day thing was really the reason behind my crappy emotions, or if that just became my excuse for them.

I'm not one of those people that wants to completely cut myself off from others when I'm miserable. That might actually be a decent option compared to what my inclinations are. Instead, I want to pull others down with me. I want the world to know that I'm miserable and to feel desperately sorry for me--and guilty about their lack of misery. On a day like Mother's Day, I want to rain a little on the happiness of all the mothers around me.

Isn't that horrible? I know it's natural and human and normal and all, but I still don't think it's right, and so I'm working on channeling that self-pity into better places--like more compassion and sensitivity for others feeling miserable.

But back to Sunday. I woke up feeling awful and wanted the world to know it. But I also really care what others think about me, so I wasn't about to do anything really overtly horrible and mean. Instead, I posted this simple status update to Facebook:

Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, and Father's Day: Holidays during which those who have unintentionally rub salt in the wounds of those who have not.

I was a little unsure about whether I should post it or not. As much as I wanted to ruin others' happiness, I didn't want them to think I was trying to ruin their happiness. But I thought that update was fairly innocuous, and would perhaps just alert the people who really care about me that I wasn't doing so great.

I got home from church later and saw that I had a Facebook message from my mother-in-law. Actually, it was from my father-in-law's account, which made me really nervous at first because I didn't really want any sappy messages from him. But my MIL likes to write from his account sometimes (I can't figure out why--she has her own), so it was from her. And here is what it said:

You have been on my mind much yesterday and again this morning. Thank you for making my Mother's Day special with the surprise of flowers. They are beautiful. Your way with words is beautiful as well. Your facebook post flows almost poetically while sharing such an ache. Your compassion for and sensitivity to others is a good reminder for us all. May God hold you close to Himself today and give you great blessings.

I started crying as soon as I read it. I found out later that she had been crying as she posted it. Pete told his parents last summer that we were having some issues trying to get pregnant, but we haven't really talked to them about it since. I think, like so many others, they think that we might not want them to bring it up. Or they just feel awkward about it. Their family has never been that great at having conversations about deeper-level issues. (As a side note, why do so many people think we don't want them to ask how we're doing in the infertility department? When I'm feeling down, I desperately want to talk about it, but the last thing I need is the pressure to have to bring it up myself.) So this was the first time my MIL had directly communicated with me about it, and the first time she expressed that she was really hurting for me. 


I can't even explain how much that meant to me. Pete's younger sister got pregnant "accidentally" (of course!) within a year of her wedding, so the in-laws have one granddaughter already. I don't know why, but somehow that fact together with their lack of communication about our infertility had actually left me feeling slightly hurt, though I knew there wasn't any reason to be and completely understood where they were. Pete talked to his mom later that afternoon and just let her know that we do appreciate being asked about how things are going. It's therapeutic to talk about it, and to know people care and are praying for us.


He also encouraged her to call me sometime next week, when he'll be gone (Sunday through Friday). She probably will. And I have to say that I'm actually a little nervous about it. I dislike talking on the phone, and I've never talked to her about issues I'm really, deeply struggling with. So I anticipate some awkwardness, and I hate awkwardness. I also anticipate that I might cry, thus compounding the awkwardness--especially on the phone. But if she does call, I know she'll be stepping out of her way to show love to me, so I suppose I can be a little vulnerable and at least talk back.

The Infertility Social Networking Pet Peeve

I can't be the only one who is starting to dread checking my facebook because of the many pregnancy and baby-related updates I will see. Seriously. Every time I check my home page, there is bound to be at least two. My least favorite? Ultrasound pictures that become people's profile pictures. Really? Do you really want a picture that was taken from your wife's vagina as your profile picture? I have news for you. No one wants to see that except your mother. Other annoying habits: women whose every status update has something to do with the discomforts of pregnancy. Or moms who change their email addresses to something like "jimmy.mom@gmail" or "busymommy@yahoo." Jimmy's future little siblings are out of luck, I guess.

The latest, and this is not really a social networking thing but is nonetheless annoying, is the professional maternity photo shoot. I just popped on my fb account and saw that a friend of a friend had uploaded an album of professional maternity pictures. That's a tradition that ranks up there with the Texas tradition of pre-wedding bridal portraits in strangeness.

Would any of this bother me if I had gotten pregnant within the first month of trying? I can't really say. I'd like to think it would, because I've always felt sympathetic to the plight of the infertile woman--but that's probably because I've always suspected I would be an infertile. So I have always vowed that if I ever do get pregnant and have a child, I will not be one of those people. My children will not exist on facebook. Just to retaliate at all the child-obsessed social networkers out there. I'm sure they'll learn their lesson for good from that.