Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Praying for Two Friends

We have two different couples in our lives that have been on my mind a lot recently because both are actively trying to conceive. As my due date approaches (I'm at 29 weeks, folks!), I keep thinking about them and hoping that by the time I'm holding a child in my arms, they'll be able to visit us at the hospital knowing they're holding a child in their womb.

The first couple, J & J, are some of our oldest friends in this area. Which isn't saying that much, since we haven't even been here for five years yet. But in a place as transient as the Bay Area, having friends for even three years can feel like an accomplishment. J (the wife) knew about everything that went on in my struggles to get pregnant, and she and another friend are planning my baby shower. 

She was so excited when they told us last spring that she would be going off the pill in April. At the time, I was a bit terrified--and fairly certain--that they would get pregnant before us. And now, the month that my baby is due will also be the month that they reach one year of trying. Her cycles have been really long since she went off BCP, but she has confirmed--through the huge package of leftover OPKs I gave her--that she is ovulating regularly. So far, the two of them don't seem too concerned or preoccupied with the trying process. I'm praying that they can maintain their calm attitudes--and that they will get pregnant very soon!

The second couple, M & L, moved here from Australia sometime last spring. We met them over the summer and have gotten to know them better since. They joined our little weekly community group and so were privy to the announcement when we shared with everyone that we were pregnant. When Pete first said those words, I saw M's arm go around L and had a quick inkling. But they maintained their smiles and were genuinely excited for us.

A month or two later, they were finally comfortable enough to share that they had been trying to get pregnant for two years. L has endometriosis. At the time, she was just starting the process of figuring out their American insurance and finding an OB. I had lunch with her last fall and to share a bit of my experience and let her know that Pete and I understood at least some of what they're going through and want to support them however we can.

Since then, L has been to an OB and confirmed that she needs another lap surgery to remove fibroids. They're working on figuring out the insane American insurance system to see if they'll get any coverage for infertility treatments, but they've said they may end up going back to Australia to get IVF, since it's so much cheaper there. I feel like they should be miles away from thinking about IVF, but I don't really know much about endo or their particular situation yet.

I am thinking about offering to let her borrow my copy of The Infertility Cure. I'd also love to give her Making Babies, but I only had the Kindle version of that. Any of you ladies with endometriosis have recommendations for other books or resources that have been particularly helpful?

Anyway, my heart has been particularly heavy for L over the past week since I heard the latest news after her doctor's visit. She seems to have a great attitude, but I can also see the pain in her eyes the few times we've had a chance to talk about these issues. We were at a dinner together last night, and some of the other women at our table kept talking to me excitedly about pregnancy, childbirth, etc--conversations that I would have thoroughly enjoyed except that I knew they couldn't be easy for L to sit through. I steered the conversation to other things when I had the chance. But I'm praying for her and M--and a miracle baby for them before they get too far down the road of treatments!


Stephanie said...

I am praying for them and you nd me!!

Josey said...

Ugh, it's so hard to realize others around you are struggling with the same thing.

I'm about to write a post about a similar thing... it's such a hard road.

Kakunaa said...

I am sending positive thoughts their way.

AnxiousMummyto3 said...

You are such a thoughtful friend to be so aware of her pain. The reality is the IVF will be much cheaper in Australia if they return but they will need private insurance the wait is generally 12 months for that. If you speak to L remind her she may not be aware! Wishing her luck on her journey-and huge congrats on 29 weeks! That is fantastic :)

Mr. Thompson and Me said...

You sound like a really great friend. Even when you're lucky enough to be on the other side of infertility...you're never completely on the other side of infertility. I'm sure that you radiate understanding and compassion for your friends because you did it in this post.

That makes you the kind of friend we all want to have.