Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I'm Back...

...to California. As of yesterday. It's both sad and nice to be back home and getting back into the routine. Ya'll know how it goes.

I did ovulate about a week ago, praise God. Even though it was a clomid cycle, I kind of gave up hope that it was going to happen, since I got a positive OPK on Saturday the 19th but still hadn't seen a convincing temperature rise by Wednesday. But the temps did finally shoot up. So I'm thinking I o'd either Monday or Tuesday. Right now I'm having the cramps I always seem to get mid-luteal-phase.

In the meantime, I'm evaluating the future of this blog. These past couple of weeks have been really, really good for my sense of peace and trust in God. For a whole plethora of reasons--not just because I was away from the blogging world. But I have started to think that keeping this blog actually fosters my anxiety rather than helping to quell it. Like I'm using this blog to try to control the situation. I use knowledge to try to control things, and the simplest way to gain knowledge these days is via this worldwide web. But trying to control things actually leaves me more anxious and fearful, since I'm really not at all in control.

And also, my job is getting busier, which will leave me less time for blogging.

So that's where I am right now. Part of me really hates the thought of quitting something that I just started six months ago--and definitely planned to keep going for several years. But avoiding shame isn't really a good reason to keep doing something. At least not usually.

8 comments:

Josey said...

Well, I'll understand either way...but pretty please, if you get your BFP, can you at least let us know that? :)

I'm glad you're reaching a better place in this crazy TTC world!

roadtomotherhood said...

I agree with Josey. I'd miss updates from you! But, I understand that you need to do what's best for your mental health. What cycle day did you end up ovulating on? I'm hopeful for you and will be thinking of you!

Kelly said...

You have to do what's right for you and only you know what that is. However, don't "leave" out of feeling like you aren't fulfilling some sort of obligation, because that's not the case. The blog is yours to use as frequently or as seldom as you'd like.

Adele said...

I think blogs can be a great form of support and catharsis, but I also think that you're right and it's possible for them to foster anxiety. Only you can say, and you shouldn't feel badly for whatever you decide.

It's GREAT that you ovulated! Welcome home.

Crossed Fingers said...

Follow your heart and your choice will be correct. :)

I am hoping this cycle works for you and you get your sticky BFP soon!

Alex said...

Yes, sometimes the blog doesn't help me, as I think it helps me stay obsessed a bit. But the support I've received from my bloggy friends is so worth it for me. You'll make the right decision - for YOU!

Stickles McQueen said...

If the blog isn't serving you for the time being, then I understand if it makes sense to step back for awhile (though I agree with the other commenters that I'd love to hear about a BFP when it happens).

And if once after you've stepped away, you feel like coming back for some love and support, I hope you know that we're always around. This is such a loving, flexible and dynamic community, I've come to find.

Kakunaa said...

I completely understand debating the blog....some days I read entirely too much sorrow and it makes me want to disappear. Either way, know you will always have our support. Good luck....and GREAT BIG HUGS.