It's amazing when I think back to where I was on Mother's Day last year. I don't know if I'll ever be able to think of Mother's Day in the same way as before infertility, though I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm entirely against the holiday. It's just such an insider vs. outsider day, though, which really is a shame. There should be a way of honoring our dear mothers without making everyone who wishes to be a mother feel badly.
Brax gave me the lovely gift of his best night's sleep ever last night. Very thoughtful of him! He basically slept from 7pm to 7:30am, with feedings at 8:15pm, 11pm, and 4:20am. And the only one of those he woke for ahead of time was the 4:20. I actually went in at 4am to check and make sure he was still breathing, since I couldn't believe he was still so soundly asleep. The good night was especially appreciated, as he was a bit off for most of last week. I suspect he went through his 3-week growth spurt for real, but it's hard to say for sure. He also gave me a lovely card with a poem he wrote this morning, and he's taking me out for dessert later. Such a good boy already :).
I had a brief conversation at church this morning with a friend who has been trying to get pregnant for 2 1/2 years. She and her husband are in our community group, and 4 out of 6 of the couples in our group are having babies in 2011 (including ourselves). It's so hard for her, but she's also in a really good place spiritually. So I truly feel like she and her husband rejoice with all of us. She even gave me some adorable little baby shoes this morning that she picked up at the store just because she saw them and thought they were too cute to resist! That definitely says something--I don't think I probably would have done that for my friends with babies while I was struggling with infertility. But that doesn't take away the pain of what she and her husband, who is actually probably more of an emotional person than she is, are dealing with, and the pain of today.
Those of you who are mothers or mothers-to-be today, please enjoy the day without guilt, and feel appreciated. We really do make a lot of sacrifices for these offspring of ours. For those of you longing to be mothers, know that you are also mothers-to-be, though the timing of when you will meet your children is yet undetermined. I've known a few women in my life who were never able to have biological children--either because they never married or because they dealt with infertility--but who were definitely skilled at mothering. And their lives are beautiful despite and because of the pain they have gone through. I know that's little comfort to anyone in the throes of the infertility struggle right now. So perhaps I should simply say to you, "Happy Day!" and leave it at that, hoping that you do, in fact, find a piece of happiness today.