Was it really too much to ask that I might get a tiny piece of good news with my latest bloodwork? That I might have a progesterone level of, like, 25? I would even settle for 10. Or 9 for that matter. But 4.5? The lowest yet? I just don't understand.
Not that I think I deserve a small piece of good news for any special reason. I am well aware that my infertility journey thus far has been both brief and easy compared to many. And I realize that low progesterone during the luteal phase is hardly an insurmountable problem. And that luteal phase defect is very common among recovering HAers.
Still. I had high hopes that the clomid would have helped this time. And even such a small problem can feel insurmountable to me because I don't understand what could be causing it. Because I can't see an RE or get any monitoring. All I can do is consult Dr. Google and my wonderful community of fellow HAers on our message board.
Of course, there is a silver lining that has kept me from being completely depressed today. There is a very good chance that since I was on clomid, and since I ovulate before day 23, that my ovulation was complete and mature. My OB mentioned to me last time that such low progesterone could be indicative of an "insufficient ovulation," whatever that means. But since it's still low this time, I guess the problem is most likely isolated to the luteal phase and a weak corpus luteum. Thank God, I did go ahead and start inserting the lovely progesterone suppositories up my vagina last week, so I should be on track to have a luteal phase that's as long as it should be. And Dr. Google did reveal to me a number of other cases of women who had low progesterone and got pregnant and had healthy, full-term babies.
Still. I can't shake the feeling that if this were going to be THE cycle, my progesterone would be higher. It's just a feeling. Silly intuition. But I can't shake it.
7 more days before I can test with confidence.