No Go

I'm sitting in the Hong Kong airport on my way back home, and I thought I'd drop in for an update. Though I really had very little reason for hope this past cycle, of course I was still hoping a bit. But AF showed up at 14dpo. I'm happy she showed on time rather than postponing for so long like last time. But of course, I was still a little disappointed. And this has been a particularly annoying period. Not much bleeding, which is a little discouraging because it seems like my lining was a bit thin. And terrible cramps/backache/fatigue all throughout, even on the third and fourth day. Okay not terrible, but annoying and pretty bad at times, like yesterday when I was trying to enjoy an outing in Kowloon with a bunch of people. Bad enough the ibuprofen only took the edge off.

I'm planning to start on 50mg of clomid tomorrow, taking it days 5-9 of the cycle. My hopes are high because logically, it should help with my long cycles/insufficient ovulation. Who knows, maybe I'll even ovulate before day 30 this time! Imagine that! But I'm also feeling discouraged about the fact that I am not seeing an RE (can't afford it right now with zero insurance coverage for anything infertility related). I really wish I could know things like how well I'm ovulating and how thick my lining is and figure out why my progesterone was so low. But maybe God is protecting us from more knowledge than we need right now.

I also just popped on facebook and was reminded of how many friends I have who are having babies or have babies That made me sad. I'm really, really ready for a child at this point, especially after a week of watching 8 really cute, really well-behaved kids. When will it be my turn?